Calm

The calmness that comes with knowing that today, you will learn NOTHING new is amazing.  Quite freeing, actually.  The phone rings, and you can answer it without dread.  I am feeling much guilt about not telling people about what is going on.  I feel like I’m letting people down, not taking on as much responsibility as I normally do in a given week.  I sit at activities instead of running around.  I expect others to play with my kids at group gatherings.  I sit in the park instead of playing tag.  But I have to take care of myself.

My leg bone is in a “weakened” state.  My family doctor has made it clear that I MUST go easy on my leg.  In its “weakened” state, it is very easy to break.  And that would suck.  Whatever is wrong with my bone needs to stay in my bone.  It seems contained right now – obviously my bone has grown a little, so things are “pushing” out.  But it is smooth and contained.  It needs to stay contained.  Bone cancer loves to spread to the lungs.  Which doesn’t turn out as well as plain old regular bone cancer.