Thursday, 15 March 2012

An Apology

(This post really was written April 25, 2012.  But I wanted it to be the first one.  So I backdated it.)

I'm sorry to be telling you this.   There is no easy way.

I probably have cancer.

A big old apology to those of you who are finding out about my situation this way.

I know, I know, the internet is a non-personal place.  It is unkind of me to not take the time to tell everyone in person.

I have told some people in person.  This doesn’t mean that “I like them better” or that “they are better friends”.  Some family has found out in person, others got an email telling them to come here to get more information.

But here is the thing.  Telling people you are sick SUCKS.  I am telling people some of the worst, most private news ever.  And I cannot control (or even begin to predict) their reactions.  And, sadly, some of the questions that are raised during “the telling” are hard question.  Really. hard. questions.  Many of which I just don’t have answers too, despite being asked them endless amounts of times.  Many of which my doctors cannot answer.

So here is the scoop:

 I will likely be officially diagnosed with some kind of bone cancer in the next week or two.  I expect the next year to be hard, but that I will recover fully.

And while I understand that many of you would have preferred a phone call, or a visit, please know that it is too hard to say the words  Too hard to see faces fall.  Too hard to see the tears.

So this is it.  And I’m fighting now.  I will be fighting harder than I have ever fought before. Which means, I get to put me and my family first.  All the time. 

And as DP has always said when I tell him how worried I am that people will be upset at me for telling them this way, or telling them later, or not being honest with them during the uncertain time before diagnosis….

“How mad are they going to get at the chick with cancer?”

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