A watched phone never rings...

Waited all day by the phone.  Again.  It is now 445, and still no call from the doctor.

At 220 this afternoon, I called the office and told the receptionist the following:

“I need my doctor to call me back today.  I had an MRI.  My leg either has an infection, or I have cancer.  I need my doctor to call me back TODAY and tell me if I have cancer”.

I know.  Not subtle or discreet or even respectful.  But I’m loosing my mind.

DP and I had a huge meltdown-y talk last night.  About what the heck we are going to do if I’m sick.  How will we cope? What can we give up?  What can we do right now?

We need to keep DP working, if at all possible.  He will take leaves, he will take vacation, but we really need to keep him employed.  He has great medical benefits, and there is likely quite a bit of medication cost or physical therapy costs coming up.  Obviously, we will constantly re-evaluate as thing go on, and as we get more information, but we need to work with what is best for the whole family over the long term as well as getting us through the immediate crisis.

Whatever the hell that crisis is.

It is 455.  Still no call from the doctor.  I may camp out at her office first thing Wednesday morning if I don’t hear from her today.  This is now bordering on cruel.  I have known for 3 weeks that there was something officially “not right” in my leg (after my Xray), and now it has been almost 2 weeks since the MRI –  which we knew was “not good” right away.

Jay and her kids spent a couple of hours here this afternoon.  We have been skipping activities.  Been spending a lot of time just cuddling on the sofa.  Or I sit on a chair in the front lawn with my phone beside me.  Watching the kids in the park.  So today was a nice distraction to have them all here.  My crew loved it.

Small-c dropped dinner and snacks off for me today.  To save for a day I didn’t feel like cooking.  Well.  Today felt like that kind of day.  I made bread to go with it.  But the kids ate the snacks all day, and there was no thinking.

I need to get more sleep tonight.  I lay in bed last night for ages.  My mind spins, my leg hurts.  It is hard to settle.

It is 5pm.  My doctor is done seeing patients around now.  If she doesn’t call by 6pm, then she won’t at all today.