The telling

I told Jay tonight what has been going on.  I think I have practiced it enough times in my head that it sounded okay.  I don’t know.  She held it together.  She really did.  Tears came to her eyes.  Her hubby was there – I had asked him to stay.  He needs to be there for her.  So she can be there for me.  A big, giant, comfort-giving chain.  Her hubby has never really been my biggest fan, but I have earned my “sister” status over the years.  So he is stuck with me now – an emotional mess of a SIL.

I got into the car.  It was already past 1030.  Tired.  Sat for a second.  Then I drove away.  As I passed their front door, I saw Jay sobbing in her hubby’s arms.

The worst part of this so far is seeing people who care for me upset and unsure.  I’ve only had to tell 3 people so far.  So that is 3 people upset and unsure.

And I don’t even know what is going on yet.  We don’t know what is wrong with me.

I cannot imagine how hard things will be if I have to tell the rest of my little world bad news.